I want candy…
by kirayasha aka kira
Summary: Shippou brings Jakotsu a candini in an attempt to woo the zombie warrior away from Bankotsu... madness and mayhem ensue when Kagome discovers it's missing form her bag... Bday gift!fic for Vexed. Rating high to be safe


I want candy…

By kira

_For Vexed… Happy bday and many, many, many more to come!_

888

It was an unusually warm day and Bankotsu decided to take advantage of it by going swimming to cool off. He reasoned it would not only help recharge the remaining members of the Shichinintai, should they decide to come with, but he could also use the time to clear his mind. He needed to come up with a good strategy to defeat Inuyasha, because he was getting awfully tired of losing his fellow comrades-in-arms, not to mention the saimyosho, who were getting on his nerves. Besides, if Naraku didn't like it, that was his problem. So that was how Bankotsu found himself floating lazily in the waters surrounding Mount Hakurei, while Jakotsu sunned himself on the bank. What he had not counted on was the little fox brat joining them.

Shippou sat there, wishing Jakotsu would roll over onto his back. While he thought the undead cross-dresser had a nice butt, he was more interested in his package. Looking up, he was just in time to catch a glimpse of Bankotsu's before the weasel stopped standing on his hands and came up for air. It made the little kitsune feel woefully inadequate.

Jakotsu chose that moment to sit up. Lacing his fingers together, he brought his hands up over his head and stretched. He brought his hands to rest behind his head, cracking an eye open in time to catch Shippou stealing a quick glance at his crotch. Jakotsu giggled. "Admiring my sword, hunh?"

Shippou flushed beet red. "No…" he stammered.

"That's okay, I don't mind." The undead cross-dresser giggled and took a long look at what the little kit had to offer. "It appears you're going to have a mighty fine sword when you grow up."

"Yeah?" Shippou beamed.

Jakotsu nodded. "Yup! And I would know these things, having seen quite a few of them."

"Wow…"

The undead cross-dresser smiled. "Take Oo-Aniki's for example, he got quite an impressive one…" He trailed off, sighing.

Shippou heaved a long suffering one. "If you say so."

Jakotsu raised en eyebrow at him. Changing the subject, he said, "Come on! Let's go swimming." He stood up. "The last thing I need is a sunburned ass," he laughed, "If you want, you can hold onto my neck and then we can go out deeper."

"Okay!"

Holding his arms up, Shippou snuggled happily into Jakotsu's warm embrace when the undead cross-dresser picked him up. He was in heaven as they waded out into the cool waters. Never in a hundred lifetimes would the little kitsune have guessed his fondest dream would come true. The only thing spoiling it was the dirty looks the weasel kept shooting his way when he thought the undead cross-dresser was not looking.

Jakotsu, noting the tension between his lover and the kit, said airily, "Got any more candy?"

"Well, Kagome didn't bring too much back with her from her village this time. Unfortunately, Inuyasha ate most of it."

"He did?" Jakotsu blinked as a dopey expression settled on his face. His mind had seized on the image of a chocolate stained hanyou and the fun he would have licking him clean, when something the kit said refocused his attention. "What was that?"

"Well, Kagome had a bunch of those candy necklace things that she showed to Sango and they couldn't stop laughing over it. She said something about her friends daring her to go into a sex-shop and buying it… but I never heard of candy being sold in a brothel," the kit said matter-of-factly.

"Neither have I…" Jakotsu added as he looked over pointedly at Bankotsu.

"What are you staring at me for? You should be asking him why he knows what you can get in a brothel."

"The monk," Jakotsu and Shippou chorused as if that explained everything.

"Hunh?"

"Never mind, Aniki-chan," Jakotsu said sweetly. Cuddling Shippou and, rubbing his cheek against the little kit's, he asked, "You think you can get that candy stuff? Please…?"

"Ummm…"

"He'll never do it," Bankotsu said.

"Of course I will! And I just remembered, it's called a 'bikini.'" Shippou glared at his older undead rival much to Jakotsu's amusement for Bankotsu glared back at him.

"That settles it, you'll go get this 'bee-keen-nee,'" Bankotsu said.

888

Shippou stole into camp, careful to avoid Inuyasha, who would want to know why he smelled like grave soil and old bones. Last time he told the hanyou he was playing with Kikyou, Inuyasha had run off, earning an "osuwari" from an angry Kagome when he returned, which resulted in several lumps to Shippou's head. As luck would have it, he spotted the miko's yellow bag lying on the ground while everyone rested in the late afternoon sun. A quick rummage through it and he found the bag with the candy bikini in it. Taking that and some bags of ketchup flavored potato chips, he snuck out of camp and headed back to woo his undead would be lover.

888

Shippou returned to find Jakotsu's head cradled in the weasel's lap while he played with the end of Bankotsu's braid. He noticed the weasel had a rather smug look on his face too, like they had been up to no good, and Shippou wondered if he should take his gifts away and head back to camp, defeated. But he was unable to resist Jakotsu's sweet dulcet tones as he asked, "Did you find it?"

"Yeah…" the little kit said as he handed the packages of ninja snacks to Bankotsu.

Jakotsu sat up and crawled over to him. "Can I see it?" He smiled sweetly. "Please?"

"Well…"

"He doesn't have it," Bankotsu scoffed, "that's why he's not showing it off."

"I do too!" Shippou cried, mumbling, "You stupid weasel," under his breath. The kit reached into the folds of his kimono, pulling out the bag with the candy bikini inside. Kneeling, he set it on the ground and carefully opened it. The two undead mercenaries watched, entranced.

The undead cross-dresser squealed with delight. "Look! It's a fundoshi made of candies!"

"I be that would look good on you, Sweetness," Bankotsu said huskily and his paramour giggled.

_Stupid weasel! That's what I was going to say!_ The little kitsune pouted.

"What's that, Shippou?" Jakotsu asked, looking over at the top piece.

The little kit shrugged. "I don't know, but it looks like the things Kagome wears on her chest to keep it from sagging."

Jakotsu blinked, delicately bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. Closing his eyes, he sat there, silently shaking with mirth, while he tried not to laugh so as not to hurt Shippou's feelings. Bankotsu had no such concerns and he loudly guffawed at the idea of women somehow propping up their breasts to keep them from sagging.

"Put it on, Sweetness! I want to see you in it," the undead leader of the Shichinintai wheezed.

"Can I, Shippou? Unless we're supposed to eat it?" Jakotsu scratched his cheek. Unsure of what to do, he looked from his lover to the kit and back.

Shippou sighed. "I guess so…"

"Yes!!" Jakotsu squealed. He reached out, and grabbing the kit, he pulled him close, hugging him. "This is going to be fun!!" Letting go of Shippou, he quickly got to his feet. Tugging on his obi, the knot came free. It fluttered to ground when Jakotsu let go to shrug out of his kimono. He stood there giggling in the pink butterfly patterned panties he and Shippou had stolen from Kagome. Seconds later, he was shimmying out of them, and completely naked. "Can someone help me with that?"

The kitsune and the undead leader of the Shichinintai briefly engaged in a silent battle of wills over who was going to help the undead cross-dresser. Each one had grabbed a hold of the candy bikini bottoms and as they tugged on it, Jakotsu carefully stepped inside it and giggled.

"Pull it up!" he suggested as the two rivals for his affections eagerly complied. "It feels weird…" Jakotsu wiggled his butt, while adjusting himself in the front.

"It looks good and tasty…" Bankotsu said huskily.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…" Shippou agreed. His fey beloved undead butterfly really did look good enough to eat as the monk would say. "Here…" He handed the candy bra to Jakotsu.

A few minutes later with much giggling on the undead cross-dresser's part, along with stupid mushy stuff from the weasel, they had Jakotsu dressed. He preened and posed for them, enjoying the dopey lustful looks on both their faces, before lying down in the grass. Smiling sweetly, Jakotsu said, "Eat me…" No sooner had the words left his mouth than Bankotsu pounced. But Shippou was quicker and the undead leader of the Shichinintai had him neatly pinned between himself and Jakotsu.

As the little kit struggled to get free, his furry vest tickled the undead cross-dresser. Jakotsu's giggles erupted in full blown laughter the more he wiggled to get away from the tickling. Bankotsu had wormed his hand between them in a desperate attempt at grabbing the kitsune before he got away as he wanted to wring the little booger's neck.

888

"Anyone seen Shippou?" Kagome asked as she riffled through her backpack for lunch. The little convenience store down the block had had a sale on ramen and she had stocked up. As she fished around inside for the cup of shrimp noodles that Miroku was fond of, she noticed something else was missing besides the kit. _Oh crap! He couldn't have… Please, kami-sama, please tell me he didn't give the candini to those idiots... _All the color drained out of Kagome's face.

"Kagome-chan, anything wrong?" Sango asked.

The miko from the future nodded and motioned her friend closer. "You know that outfit I got you from my village?"

"The one made out of candy…?" Sango paled.

"Yeah…"

"Shippou take it?"

"I think so…"

"Which means those idiots are probably eating it!" they cried.

"Eating what?" Inuyasha asked. He cringed at the murderous looks the girls shot his way.

"I think Shippou's playing with those idiots again. Rest assured, Kagome-sama, we'll retrieve whatever it is he's taken," Miroku said placatingly.

"Who?" Inuyasha asked.

"Your friend, Jakotsu…" the monk said dryly.

"Keh!" Inuyasha started walking away. "Let's go!"

888

"Stop it! Hehehehe…" Jakotsu wheezed. "There's plenty of me hehehehe for the two of you! Hahahahaha!!"

"Getoffme!" Shippou demanded for the umpteenth time as he wriggled away from Bankotsu's hand.

Grumbling under his breath, Bankotsu did the only thing he could do in this instance. He got up, freeing the kit. He was about to go off and sulk, when his paramour smiled and held his hand out to him. It was all the invitation the undead seventeen year old needed. He lay back down next to his paramour and with himself on one side and Shippou on the other; they proceeded to eat the candy bra. Jakotsu sighed. As cute as the little guy was, he would have liked it much better if it was Inuyasha and Bankostu.

888

"What the hell!" Inuyasha cried as they came upon the strange tableaux of the kit and the two undead mercenaries. "I'm going to kill you!"

Jakotsu cracked open en eye. "Hey, Inuyasha! Care to join us? There's a free spot by my sword," he purred, wiggling his hips invitingly. Before Bankotsu could sit up and start something, the undead cross-dresser held his face to his chest. "Let me have some fun, Aniki-chan, I'll make it up to you later," he whispered.

"Fine…" Bankotsu mumbled into the candy.

Shippou, meanwhile, was wondering if he had time to impersonate Bankotsu before the girls arrived, when Kagome let out an ear piercing shriek.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! You shouldn't be eating that!! That's gross!" Kagome cried.

Bankotsu stopped eating the candy just long enough to look up over his shoulder and call out, "Hey! I'll have you know, Jakotsu is very tasty and delicious!"

"Thank you, Aniki-chan!"

"Have you two no shame?!" Sango added as she hefted the Hiraikotsu menacingly.

"I'm going to kill you perverts!" Inuyasha cried.

"You know, you're really spoiling my fun here!" the undead cross-dresser said testily as he pushed the two rivals for his affections away and sat up.

"WHAT?!" Kagome roared. She walked over to Jakotsu, eyes narrowed with the same look she wore when sitting Inuyasha. "Jerks! How dare you corrupt his morals! Don't you know he's only a baby?!"

"Hunh?" Jakotsu blinked, before narrowing his eyes at her. He could not believe the stupid miko had dared to get up in his face like that. "Touch me and you die, bitch," he hissed.

Some of her righteous anger left her as fear took its place and Kagome stepped back. She sputtered wordlessly as she shook her finger at him.

Chuckling, Bankotsu sat back and folded his arms across his chest. _This ought to be fun…_

"Kagome-chan," Sango called her friend over to her. "Is he wearing the… you know?"

Kagome turned and took a good look at the undead cross-dresser. She was annoyed at his familiarity with Shippou and worried about how badly he had had warped the kit, when she realized he had done it again. Jakotsu was wearing the candini, she had brought back for Sango.

"Damn it," she swore softly.

"I don't want it now," Sango calmly informed her, "especially after it's touched his, ewww…" She crinkled her nose up in disgust.

"Well, I don't want it! Besides, it's half eaten." Kagome looked like she wanted to throw up.

"What's half eaten?" Miroku asked. He had snuck up on them, and he was hard pressed to keep a straight face because he knew exactly what they were talking about. He had discovered the garment in her bag, while looking for ninja snacks and, after putting two and two together, his fantasies had taken a rather delicious turn.

The two girls jumped. "No-nothing," Kagome stammered.

"Oh, okay…"he said, smiling suavely at them as he winked and walked away.

"Men!" Kagome and Sango chorused.

"Inuyasha?"

"What do you want, Bouzu?"

"Kagome has decided Jakotsu can keep the candy. All she wants is the kit back."

"That's it?" Inuyasha looked rather disappointed at not being able to continue his fight with the undead mercenaries.

"Yup. Come on, Shippou, you have had enough 'fun' for one day," Miroku said.

"But…"

"But nothing. They won. They can keep the candy. A pity I'll never get to see the Lady Sango in it again…" The monk heaved a heavy sigh as he bent to pick the kit up.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jakotsu wailed. He turned to his lover and cried, "Why does Shippou always give me their soiled clothing?"

Bankotsu frowned. The undead mercenary knew he had to come up with a good answer and fast or there would be no living with his paramour. "Uh… I think that's because he knows you would look better in it than they do."

"Really?" Jakotsu blinked. He stood up and kissed his equally undead lover.

Breaking the kiss, Bankotsu said, "Yeah… Now let's go." He picked up Jakotsu's kimono and obi, handing them to him.

Jakotsu shrugged into his kimono, and draping his obi around his neck, he threw an arm around his lover.

Shippou sadly watched them go from his perch in Miroku's arms.

The monk looked down at him as he turned to go. "That was my dessert you shared with them," he said, softening the reproach with a smile. "But I have to hand it to you. You knew what you wanted, and you went after it."

"Yeah?"

The monk nodded. "Yeah… Now I know why Mushin said he was proud of me the first time I grabbed a girl's butt and got slapped…"


End file.
